Book Review: If My Husband Would Change I’d Be Happy (and other myths wives believe) by Rhonda Stoppe

Posted July 27, 2016 by meezcarrie in nonfiction, Rhonda Stoppe / 16 Comments

book review RIMSP

about the book

Like most brides on their wedding day, you no doubt were filled with love for your husband and the hope of a happy life together.

But perhaps today, as the realities of life together have settled in, those happy expectations are going unfulfilled. And it’s tempting to think, “If only my husband would change, I’d be happy.”

That myth is but one of many that Rhonda Stoppe dispels in her easy-to-read exploration of what it takes to experience a truly happy marriage. In the process, she addresses such important topics as

-understanding your husband’s need for your unconditional respect
-rekindling the love that drew you to your husband in the first place
-refusing to believe the lie that you’d be happier married to someone else
-learning to be content in the midst of financial struggles

-thinking about sex from a biblical worldview

If you desire to rekindle the love and hope you felt on your wedding day, this book will go a long way toward making that dream come true.

Contains discussion questions and personal reflections at the end of each chapter.

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GENRE: Nonfiction, Marriage Enrichment
PUBLISHER: Harvest House
RELEASE DATE: August 1, 2015
PAGES: 224

I heard a sermon once by pastor Voddie Baucham and he so delighted me with a particular statement that he repeated several times throughout : If you can’t say ‘amen’, say ‘ouch’.

Well, I’ve been saying both ‘amen’ AND ‘ouch’ while reading If My Husband Would Change I’d Be Happy (and other myths wives believe).

Rhonda Stoppe’s writing style is conversational and engaging, which helps puts readers at ease. Because, if you’re picking up a book with this kind of title, unless you’re doing so for review purposes, you probably are hurting. Your marriage isn’t turning out the way you expected it to, the way you dreamed it would, and you’ve probably become very disillusioned with love and romance and all those fairy tale imaginings we women carry close to our hearts.  You need someone to sit down next to you – knee to knee – and hold your hands, look in your eyes, and tell you that they get it, that you’re not alone, and that there is hope.

A book like this, with Rhonda Stoppe at the helm, is the next best thing.

One of the points that most resonated with me early on is her discussion in the first chapter about how expecting our husbands to make us happy is actually unfair. Because we were not created with the purpose of finding happiness in marriage, despite what all the fairy tales and all the rom-coms lead us to believe.

You were created to delight in your Creator. God made you to long for intimacy with Him – to delight in Him. So any other relationship… will always come up short.

Y’all. I started thinking about that – especially in relation to my love for THE Story. I love saying that all stories, at their ultimate roots, have their source in God’s story of redemption. Even “general market” novels do. Because we bridal-636018_1280are all created in His image and because He has set eternity in our hearts. That’s why we love romances – because our hearts were tattooed with the Redemption Story from our conception.  The hero conquering evil and returning for His bride. SWOON.  But … here’s where we go off script. We get that. We do. And we get that marriage is supposed to be an allegory, a picture, of our relationship with Jesus. But somewhere along the way, we take our understanding of these concepts and we put our husband in Jesus’ place in The Story. We make him the hero and expect him to conquer everything that displeases us and make us swoon daily. Rhonda Stoppe’s point about our unfair expectations of marriage really hit home with me.  My husband was never meant to play Jesus’ role in The Story. And I need to quit expecting him to do so.  (I’m gonna go ahead and say ‘amen’ to that one instead of ‘ouch’ because the fact that this just clicked with me makes me happy lol)

In If My Husband Would Change I’d Be Happy, Stoppe examines 12 myths that wives believe. As a wife of 16 years this September, I found them extremely applicable to women in all stages of marriage. In fact, I so wish I’d had this as a resource around year 6 (heck… how about WEEK 6) instead of year 16. Some of the myths include:

  • I will respect him when he earns my respect
  • I would be happier married to someone else
  • He would love me more if I were prettier
  • More money equals less stress
  • Happily-ever-after is a fairy tale

Ok… that first one? I need to camp out on that chapter and hang an “ouch… until further notice” flag outside my door. Marriage is tough, y’all. Some years are tougher than others. And it gets so easy to blame your husband for every digression from your fairy tale dreams. But what I love about Stoppe’s approach is that she turns the focus on us as wives and our relationship with Jesus and with our husbands. She teaches us what it looks like to respect him even if he doesn’t deserve it.  She tells us how to guard our hearts and our marriages against the all-too-easy trap of “falling out of love” with him.

It starts by making a deliberate decision to think of his good qualities and refuse to dwell on how he doesn’t make you happy.

And ultimately she reminds us that it all comes down to this:

The key to having an all-out love for your husband and experiencing fulfillment in your marriage does not lie in how well your husband measures up to your expectations, but in how well you love God.

Bottom Line: Perfect for newlyweds and “oldyweds” (like me lol), If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy gives hope and practical resources to wives who are at the end of their patience, the end of their love, and perhaps the end of their marriage. It’s engaging and conversational while at the same time packed with solid truth, Scriptural support, and wise advice.  I also really enjoyed the “From a Husband’s Perspective” at the end of each chapter, written (as you may have already guessed) by the author’s husband. The chapters also end with two sections called “Thinking It Through” and “Living It Out” and links are provided throughout to Rhonda’s website for additional supplemental material. These all combine together to make this an excellent resource for small groups too. I know I will be re-reading this book often to keep the truths in it at the forefront of my mind and my marriage.

(I received a copy of this book in exchange for only my honest review.)

My Rating: 5 stars / Fantastic resource!

Purchase a copy:

See what others are saying: Litfuse

about the author

rhonda stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe is the No Regrets Woman. She is an author and speaker dedicated to helping women live life with no regrets. With more than 20 years’ experience as a mom, mentor, and pastor’s wife, Rhonda’s wisdom and experience helps women discover significance in God and His specific purpose for their lives, connect biblical principles to everyday decisions, develop a loving marriage that others dream about, and influence the next generation by raising children with integrity.

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16 responses to “Book Review: If My Husband Would Change I’d Be Happy (and other myths wives believe) by Rhonda Stoppe

  1. Carrie – Can we be friends Please?

    I absolutely LOVE the insights you gleaned from my book IF MY HUSBAND WOULD CHANGE I’D BE HAPPY & Other Myths Wives Believe (Harvest House)

    Thank you for sharing your love for this book’s message. It is near and dear to my heart as a Titus2 Mentor, Pastors’ Wife, and mother of daughters. I learned the secret to a happy marriage from an older woman having the difficult conversations with me that made me also say “amen” and “ouch”. And in the end, these mentors transformed the way I viewed marriage––and my right to be made happy by my prince charming.

    I pray the Lord continues to use you and your wonderful gift of writing for His Kingdom and His glory.

    Thank you again for such a great review. I can’t wait to share it with my peeps!

    • Carrie

      Yes please, we can be friends, Rhonda!! Haha! Your sweet comment made my day 🙂 J foresee myself shoving this book at ppl for years to come saying “Read this. Now.” 🙂

  2. This sounds great. Now I just need to find me the right guy. 😉

    Actually, I need to read this so I can WRITE better heroes and heroines. I’ll definitely be checking into this one.

    Thanks for letting us know, Meez Carrie! :

  3. Wow! I’m regretting not joining this tour and will need to go get a copy! (Just couldn’t give it justice with my current schedule!) This sounds insightful. Must add to list! Thanks!

  4. This sounds like such a good and practical book! Those are definitely some things to keep in mind. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.

  5. Carrie, you crack me up – always! I purposely did not read your review until I had written mine, otherwise I would have felt totally inadequate. Seriously, you have a wonderful gift of expression and a way of laughing at yourself that I love.

    Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. I do think a book like this would make an excellent wedding gift. Even if not read at first, wives would hopefully have it when the need arises – and it certainly will!

    • Carrie

      LOL oh Carole, never never feel inadequate. Especially not from my reviews!!!! Thank you so much for your encouragement though <3 You are so sweet 🙂

      Yes, that need will certainly come up at some point in a marriage, probably sooner than later. That's why I loved your idea of giving it as wedding gifts. I'm absolutely going to start doing that.

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